I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
