I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
