It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Damn victory sex feels great
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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