he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
