toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
