I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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