you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
