so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
