when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
