My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
