cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
