I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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