I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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