K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
