She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
