How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
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Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
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Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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