what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
