The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
