So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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