What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
