He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
