I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
