I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
