peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
