i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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