Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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