life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
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I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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