So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
