the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
