I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
