Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
