sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
