Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
