textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
