Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
