my vag is so smooth its legendary
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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