so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
