At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
