The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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