so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
