i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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