I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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