Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
