What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
