How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
