NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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