So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
