I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Vodka?
Forever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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