booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
