I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
