She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
