I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
