That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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