laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
