I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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