at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You pole danced in your parka.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
