shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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