I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
