Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
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I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
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you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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