This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
