i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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