I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize