No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
