even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
